“You’re not welcome here Whoopi” – Satire

It was a day of high drama and unexpected spice in the heart of Fieri-land, an eatery for both the discerning and the undiscerning palate, a cornucopia of cacophonous culinary creations and a site of unexpected celebrity feuding. But not even the Food Network could have cooked up the drama that unfolded when Guy Fieri, the Mayor of Flavortown himself, expelled beloved actress Whoopi Goldberg from his restaurant with a spicy decree: “You’re not welcome here.”

Before we dig into the juicy meat of this story, let’s set the stage. The setting was Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar, Fieri’s iconic flagship in the heart of Times Square. This is a place where diners usually come for a joy ride through the heart-stopping, cholesterol-laden world of Donkey Sauce-slathered ‘Trash Can Nachos,’ only to be served a platter of Hollywood drama this time.

The first act unfolded with the arrival of Goldberg, whose shining resume features achievements such as being one of the few people to win an EGOT – an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, and a Tony. She walked into the establishment presumably to sample Fieri’s infamous ‘Sashimi Tacos,’ but got served a chilly welcome instead.

It wasn’t long before Fieri himself stormed out of the kitchen, his trademark bleached spiky hair resembling the flames of his frequently used flamethrower, and his bowling shirts fluttering dramatically. He delivered a line that could’ve been straight out of a Quentin Tarantino movie. “Whoopi,” he growled, smoke practically billowing from his frosted tips, “you’re not welcome here.”

Goldberg, who’s been a longtime peace activist, seemed taken aback. After all, this was Times Square, not ‘The View’ studio where verbal volleys are more common than the overabundance of cilantro in Fieri’s ‘Morgan’s Gnarly Greek Nachos.’ The audience – err, patrons – gasped, forks midway to their mouths. Some choked on their ‘Vegas Fries’ in surprise. Others, more cynically inclined, quickly began tweeting the incident, making ‘Guy vs Whoopi’ trend faster than the latest celebrity diet.